Without You
by Harryfan626
Summary: "Is it Meredith?" Maggie asked fearfully, "Did something happen to Meredith?" Amelia shook her head and tried to steady her shaking hands. The world seemed to be spinning. It all felt like a dream. "It's Derek," Amelia cried, "They found him. He's alive." Derek was alive, but his wife and children were still missing, thinking he was dead.
**Disclaimer: Any recognizable plot, characters, or storylines are not mine. Copyright infringement is not intended.**

 **A/N: I wrote this a while ago because I'm a masochist who misses Derek Shepherd and I never planned on posting it and yet here it is anyways...**

* * *

Doctor Penelope Blake was exhausted. Her training as a surgical resident was wearing her down. Earlier that day her patient had coded on the table and the attending she was with berated Penny for a mistake she did not make. Collapsing in an open chair at a nurses' station, Penny sighed. A friend of hers, looking just as ragged as she, stopped on her way past the nurses' station and offered to get her a coffee. Penny passed some spare cash over to her friend before resting her head on the counter and sighing. She had been in the hospital for twenty-nine hours and had seven hours left in her shift before she could get a full night's sleep. Stretching, she was just about to go join her friend at the coffee machine when one of the patient monitors at the nurses' station started beeping rapidly. The heart rate of the patient, a comatose male, had elevated to concerning numbers considering his condition. Followed by two nurses, Penny raced to his room.

She came to a sudden halt as she had raced in. The man in the bed had been in a coma for the past month. He only had minimum brain function and the hospital had been planning to move him to a long term care facility within the week. Apparently, those plans had to change though because her John Doe was unexpectedly awake and struggling against his breathing tubes.

"Hold on, sir," Penny exclaimed as she hurried to his bed side. She instructed one of the nurses with her to page neuro immediately. "Okay, sir, on the count of three I want you to release a deep breath and I'll remove your breathing tube," Once she was prepared she counted down, "Ready? One, two, three." As she removed the tube she heard the patient gasp for air. He was breathing heavily, his chest heaving, and he looked relieved to be breathing on his own. She grabbed a glass of water from one of the nurses in the room and offered him a small sip through the straw.

After he sucked down a few more desperate gulps of air, he choked out, "W-where am I?" His eyes darted around the room as he took in his surroundings, "This i-isn't Grey-Sloan, is it?"

"No, sir. You're at Dillard Medical Center," Penny told him, "Sir, can you tell me your name? Do you remember your name?"

"Doctor Derek Shepherd," He looked up at her before asking, "What happened?"

* * *

"Still no word from Meredith?" Maggie asked Alex as they both got ready in the attendings' lounge.

He shook his head and sighed, "Absolutely nothing. I keep calling and leaving voicemails but I've only had radio silence. Kaput. Na-da."

Maggie shrugged as she finished tying her sneakers, "It's only been a week, she'll call soon."

"I know," Alex said, "I'm trying not to worry but…" Not finishing his sentence his concerns hung heavy in the air.

"Yeah," Maggie replied, "Me too".

They were exiting the attendings' lounge when they heard what sounded like a feral cry. While the sound was never normal, it could sometimes be heard in the E.R. from injured patients or heartbroken family members. The sound they heard was different though. It came from Amelia Shepherd, just feet away from them at the nurses' station. The cell phone that had been in her hand clattered on to the ground as she fell to her knees in shock and in tears. Maggie and Alex both raced to her side asking what was wrong.

"Is it Meredith?" Maggie asked fearfully, "Did something happen to Meredith?"

Amelia shook her head and tried to steady her shaking hands. The world seemed to be spinning. It all felt like a dream. "It's Derek," Amelia cried, "They found him."

"Oh no," Alex said. Derek had been missing for just over a month. After so much time had passed and police reports gave them no answers, the hospital had started to move on. They held a small memorial service in his honor. Nobody wanted to say it, but everyone assumed he was dead. It was the day after the memorial service that Meredith left. She packed up her kids, left a note telling everyone she was fine, and disappeared. Nobody had heard from her since and everyone was worried.

"He's alive," Amelia whispered then, causing everyone to gasp, "They found him and he's alive." Shaking, she kept repeating those words, not believing them herself.

* * *

Sticking out her hand, Penny introduced herself to the assorted group of people who came to see Derek Shepherd. Ignoring her outstretched hand, the brown haired woman who said she was his sister demanded to see him. Nodding, Penny led the group to his room, where he was sitting up and reading. He looked up at the crowd and a wide smile spread across his face. Amelia's knees felt weak and she stumbled a little as she hurried into his room. Her hand was clasped over her mouth in shock. He was alive and smiling. She had thought she would never see him again. Stepping aside, Penny told the other's that he was only allowed one visitor at a time, as he was still in recovery.

"You're alive," murmured as she pulled a chair up to Derek's bedside, "You're actually alive." She took his hand in hers and clung to it. The feeling of his pulse beneath her fingers felt surreal.

"I'm alive," He answered still smiling, but a confused look spread across his face as he glanced out the windows of his room. In the hall he saw many of his friends from Grey-Sloan but he didn't see his wife or kids. When he woke up he had expected them to be the first people at his bedside, "Where's Meredith."

Amelia sighed and gently pushed his hair away from his forehead to comfort him, "Oh, Derek." Slowly she explained what happened. She told him how he never made it to Washington, which he knew. She told him that his car was found, destroyed by an accident, but no ID or wallet. The damage to the car was severe and the police concluded that he had most likely, injured and confused, left the car to try to find help only to die from his injuries in the woods. Search and rescue never found a sign of him and within three weeks the investigation was closed. After the police had told them to all but accept the inevitable, that he was dead, they held a small memorial service for him. Amelia's heart broke as she explained how Meredith dealt with everything. She wished she could do something for her brother as he cried when he heard that his wife and kids had disappeared a week ago.

Out in the hall, Alex was on the phone. He had tried Meredith's cell phone three times and called Cristina once. Each call to Meredith he left a voicemail, telling her that Derek was alive, but Alex doubted she would listen to them. When Cristina answered the phone, irritated because of the time difference, Alex begged her to contact Meredith. On the other end of the line, Cristina sighed. Meredith had restored to screening her calls, too. Meredith was virtually unreachable unless she decided to listen to her voicemails, which didn't seem likely.

* * *

A week after Derek awoke from his coma, he was deemed stable enough to be transferred to Grey-Sloan. Within hours of returning to his hospital, his room was covered in flowers and get-well-soon cards from nurses and doctors in the hospital. It was a little overwhelming, with a balloons covering the ceiling and every surface in the room seemingly covered with messages from well-wishers. It seemed like every five minutes that people would come visit him, whether he actually knew them personally or not.

Physically, Derek was improving. Callie had recast his leg and believed with physical therapy he would regain all function. One of the neurosurgeons that once worked below him, but now under Amelia, gave him neuro checks multiple times a day. Despite the month long coma, his faculties were in order. There were no signs of long term damage and his scans revealed no new bleeds or clots. He was almost guaranteed out of the hospital by the end of the month, with continuous physical therapy as a caveat.

However, Derek was struggling emotionally. He had placed numerous calls to his wife, leaving just as many voicemails, to no response. Without listening to the voicemail, Meredith had no way of knowing it was him calling, as he wasn't calling from his phone, but Derek futilely hoped that she would somehow know that it was him calling and finally respond. He felt isolated without her and without his kids. But Derek didn't blame her for running, it's her nature. It is both their natures. If the same thing had happened to him, if Meredith had gone missing and declared dead, he probably would have taken the kids and runaway as well.

* * *

Five months had passed and there was still no word from Meredith. Alex was throwing a Fourth of July barbeque at his house, the house that was once Meredith's. Her absence seemed to linger in the air. Everybody was aware of it, always. Recently, there had been complaints in the hospital about hiring a new general surgery attending. All talk about replacing Meredith stopped after Derek punched a man in the cafeteria. All of Meredith's family was taking her absence hard, but Derek was struggling the most. He had only been cleared for surgery a month before and had spent the previous four months either working on therapy non-stop or searching for Meredith.

Derek was sitting out on the old porch swing with Maggie and Alex, drinking beers, when she exclaimed, "We should try to find her. She's not a rogue agent. She's not on the lam. She's a single mother with two kids. How hard could it be?"

"Hard," Derek responded.

"Really freaking hard." Alex said.

Without telling anybody else, Derek and Alex had hired a private investigator. That was after they had called everybody and anybody they could think of. They even tried calling Meredith's old friend and bad influence, Sadie. Alex called every single hospital in Boston, to no avail. Once they hired the private investigator they had hoped to see results. One thousand dollars later and the only answer they received was the Meredith had not flown anywhere and all of her cards were inactive. There was no way to trace her.

As they watched the fireworks, Maggie confessed about why she came to Seattle. That she didn't know what she was looking for but that she was trying. She looked down and said, "And I found Meredith."

Taking a gulp from his beer Derek told her a similar story, "I wasn't looking for anything when I came to Seattle. I was just trying to get away. I wanted a new life. An easy life. I was planning on living the rest of my days alone," He sighed and the corners of his lips quirked up as he repeated Maggie, And I found Meredith."

Angrily, after hearing how hurt both Derek and Maggie were, Alex pulled out his phone and called Meredith. He got the same message he always got. Just a short sentence in her voice. All the message did was let you know that _You've reached Dr. Meredith Grey_ and then a beep. Except you hadn't reached Meredith. Nobody had.

"Look, cut it out," Alex said, "It's not fair to any of us. It's not fair to Derek. Just come home, just tell us you're okay."

* * *

Derek couldn't help but laugh as Maggie dropped the pie on the table and took a massive bite from the hamburger. This wasn't the Thanksgiving he expected or wanted, but it still was a good one. He missed his wife and children more than anything. He was still calling and leaving messages multiple times a day. He still hadn't heard from her. Still, Derek wasn't mad at her. He just wanted his family home with him. Grinning, Derek grabbed his own hamburger. He was about to start eating when he looked towards Alex.

"Can I borrow your phone?" He asked.

Alex tossed it to him. Getting up, Derek walked through the house and sat on the couch in the living room. He held the phone for a second just staring at it, before calling Meredith. He didn't expect her to answer, she never did. He held the phone to his ear and waited for the voicemail message. Instead, for the first time in eight months, Meredith answered the phone.

"Alex listen," Meredith said angrily. Derek opened his mouth in surprise, words weren't forming, he wanted to say something to let her know it was him but it seemed like her had frozen, "I'm fine. The kids are fine. We're okay. I'm fine," Derek gasped a little and tried to say something but he was still too stunned that she answered, "Please stop calling." Just as Meredith hung up, Derek managed to choke out her name. Everyone in the kitchen hurried into the room when they heard is angry scream and the phone shatter against the wall. Tears were already starting to stream down his face. He had been so stunned that he had missed his chance.

Sitting on a beach, watching Zola and Bailey make a sand castle, Meredith took in deep breaths to stop herself from crying. As she hung up she heard the caller say her name. It had sounded like him; it had sounded like Derek. But that wasn't possible. It was just her mind playing tricks on her.

* * *

Derek stood in the doorway listening to Arizona talk. He was sure she didn't think he could hear her when she said she didn't think Meredith was ever coming back. He sighed. It was Christmas and yet a part of him believed Arizona. Derek was terrified, that in Meredith's reaction to his supposed death, he would lose his entire family.

Richard coming to the door was Derek's excuse to come back into the room. He made himself a glass of eggnog, with a little more in it than he would have if he had planned on being able to drive home. He just wanted his family with him. It was Christmas. He loved Christmas. But he didn't love it without them.

* * *

Meredith was in a daze. She felt weak and she could tell as she woke up that she must have lost a lot of blood. Waking up felt like a fight. Part of her wanted to just stay in the dark forever. But as she blinked the world into focus, she knew she had to wake up. Her kids needed her. She had more she needed to do. The first thing Meredith saw was a nurse, smiling at her. Once Meredith was awake the nurse told her that her husband was there to see her. For a moment, Meredith expected it to be Derek. But she knew that was crazy. As the nurse walked away, Meredith watched Alex walk into the room.

"Hey," he walked up to her bedside. Meredith smiled at him a little. She had missed him. She had missed home. Alex slipped his hands in his pockets, "Um… apparently I'm one of your emergency contacts. So there's something you need to know and I'm not sure how I'm going to say it and I'm just going to rip off the band-aid, okay?" Meredith smiled at him, still in a daze from the medications. She nodded. She watched as Alex signaled to someone just outside the door. With her vision still blurred, Meredith couldn't see who it was. Then she heard her name. She never thought she's hear her name said that way again. She never thought she'd hear that voice again.

Abruptly sitting up, Meredith felt a pull where her surgery took place and winced in pain for a second. It was only a second, because then her eyes fell on him and she couldn't feel the pain anymore. Tears started rolling down Meredith's cheeks as he wrapped his arms around her. She couldn't see, but he was also crying. It had been nine months since they were last together and both of them had been absolutely broken in their time apart.

"I thought you were dead," She cried into his shirt.

Smiling a little Derek released his grip and kissed her long and hard before telling her, "I'm here now. I'm not going anywhere."

Still crying, Meredith wrapped her arms around his shoulder and kissed him again. She never wanted to let go. As they reunited, Alex quietly slipped out of the room.

Suddenly Meredith broke her grip and she started crying harder, "I'm sorry," She wept, "I'm so sorry. God Derek, you must hate me."

Rubbing a thumb across her cheek to wipe away her tears he kissed her again, "I don't hate you. I love you. And I'm going to keep loving you."

As her tears slowed again, Meredith smiled a little. Looking at Derek's grin she said, "I had a baby."

Laughing a little, Derek replied, "I know."

"You're alive." She said, still in awe over the fact that Derek was with her, that he was holding her.

Kissing the top of her head, he answered, "I know."

Eventually, Meredith had moved over in her hospital bed to make room for Derek. It was a position they had taken too many times, one of them sick and the other laying down with them. But this time it felt different. For the first time in nine months they were together. Everything felt like it was going to be okay. Meredith rested her head on his chest and he ran his hand through her hair comforting her. Both of them were at peace. A light knock at the door got their attention, they both looked up. A nurse stood in the doorway holding a blanket bundle, their daughter. The nurse passed the baby into Derek's awaiting arms. She struggled a little and readjusted as Derek took hold of her. His eyes were hungry as they ate up every detail of the moment. She was perfect, he thought, as he looked over at Meredith. His eyes met hers, she had been watching him as he met their daughter. Tears threatened to fall again as Meredith watched Derek hold the newborn, it was a sight she had thought she would never get to see.

"I named her Ellis," Meredith whispered.

Smiling Derek said in awe, "She looks just like you."

Resting her head on Derek's shoulder and taking one of Ellis's small hands into her own, Meredith confessed, "I didn't think I could do it. Part of me thought _What if I have this baby and just die_. And then she arrived, and I saw her face, and I saw you in her...she's beautiful," Meredith concluded, "I am so glad you're here."

* * *

"I need to explain this to them," Meredith said to Derek, "Before they see you," She chuckled a little, "They are never going to understand the concept of death now," but taking Derek's hand in hers she added, "And I wouldn't want anything else."

Derek waited patiently down the hall as Meredith sat down with Zola and Bailey and explained that Daddy was there. When Meredith finally called for Derek to come in, he was nearly bursting with emotions.

Zola and Bailey both exclaimed, "Daddy!" And they sprinted across Meredith's patient room toward him. He wrapped them both in his arms and started to cry again. They had grown so much. He had missed so much. But he was back with them and that was all that mattered.

* * *

Walking back into the dream house was surreal. Part of Meredith had thought she would just never come back. But the fact that Derek was at her side as she entered was even stranger. She felt like she was in heaven as they both put their kids down for bed and then climbed into their bed side by side.

She was home, Meredith thought, as Derek pulled her into his arms.

Derek breathed her in and kissed her deeply.

He was finally home, too.


End file.
